Talking to kids about sex is an essential, yet difficult task for all parents. What complicates this challenge further is the advancement of technology and the early exposure to pornography that is rampant in our day and age.
Last year I had the privilege of interviewing Dr Todd Bowman, therapist and author of Angry Birds, Killer Bees: Talking to Your Kids About Sex, addressing this timely topic. This valuable interview is now a part of our SATP certification program and I am privileged to share it publicly today for the first time. Whether you are a parent yourself or plan to be, you’ll gain greatly from Dr Bowman’s expertise with this topic. I invite you to share this interview and Dr Bowman’s much-needed book with others (Subscribe here for future videos and vlogs).
“She deserves a husband who is trustworthy, both when she is looking and when she’s unaware” (Life After Lust p.40, from the chapter What My Wife is Worth).
Unfortunately, many of us recovering from sex addiction have made past choices that have broken down the trust of those we love most. In active recovery, we learn how to live out a trust-building lifestyle. In my new Life After Lust VLOG episode called The Humbling Road to Rebuilding Trust in Recovery, I share some ways that I am working to rebuild trust in my relationship with my wife. For further study, here’s another great video with 8 additional ideas for rebuilding trust.
What ways are you rebuilding trust in your closest relationships?
May we all be willing to embody humility, working hard to be the trustworthy people our partners deserve. They are worth our best efforts.
And so are we.
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Today a powerful resource was published on Amazon called Finding Peace: A Workbook on Healing from Loss, Neglect, Rejection, Abandonment, Betrayal, and Abuse by Troy Love, LCSW. I had the privilege of endorsing this book so I can vouch for how good it is. Troy has poured his expertise and heart into this workbook and I am certain that countless people will benefit as a result. After reading Finding Peace, I added it to our LifeSTAR treatment program and look forward to using it with my clients. Check out this new workbook and share it with others.
GET YOUR COPY TODAY WHILE IT IS ONLY 99 CENTS….You won’t regret it!
EXCITING NEWS! My book Life After Lust: Stories & Strategies for Sex & Pornography Addiction Recovery is ready in paperback on Amazon! May this resource help and inspire many.
Want to watch the first moment I saw my book? If so, CLICK HERE
Be one of the first to order your copy of this ground-breaking new book that will help many.
Check out the powerful new book trailer based on a chapter of my book by clicking here.
Today I had the opportunity to do a radio interview on the Trevor Carey show (FM 96.7/AM1400) about the effects of pornography, protecting children from pornography, and other topics related to sexual addiction treatment. The issue that sparked Trevor’s interest in this interview was Hustler’s lawsuit against our city. This morning Trevor found the article I wrote in the Fresno Bee last June on this topic called Vote for Love, Not Porn and invited me to share my perspectives on the topic. It was a great opportunity and the timing could not have been better since my new book was released today on Amazon. Click here to hear our interview.
Sex is on my mind a lot these days. The reason for this is I’m preparing to teach a Human Sexuality class at Fresno State this weekend. I look forward to my time with future therapists, as we explore how sex can go both wrong and right.
It may go without saying but sex is an important topic in sexual addiction recovery. As a sexual addiction therapist, I tell my clients that successful recovery necessitates a different view of sexuality. The old perspective on sex must be thrown away and replaced with a new one. Rather than using sex as a numbing agent, sex must become a connecting agent. Still, this transition in thinking and practice is difficult. It requires learning, direction, and work.
In her video on Sex & Intimacy, Sue Johnson superbly explains the dynamics of connected and disconnected sex. I believe many sexual addicts experience “sealed off sex”, which she describes as a sexual experience that is lacking emotional intimacy, is solely sensation focused, and leaves individuals feeling lonely. In recovery, we have the opportunity to see sex in an entirely new way. In recovery, we can learn to experience sex as the “potent bonding activity” it is meant to be. This usually requires the guidance of a trained professional and a plethora of patience. But as a couple does the hard work of recovery, experiences healing, and is willing to humbly learn new ways of relating, connected sex can become a wonderful reality.
This morning I couldn’t help but cry as I listened to Switchfoot’s new song “If the House Burns Down Tonight.” The lyrics resonated deeply with me, as I thought about the prospect of fighting for love and letting everything else burn away.
To me, this means passionately pursuing a “furious love affair” with my Abba. This means deepening my loyal love for my bride. This means daily communicating my affection to my kids. This means prioritizing the love of my family and friends. This means holding onto love while letting all of the distractions, addictions, and meaningless attempts to impress anyone or prove anything burn away.
May we all have the commitment and courage to fiercely hold onto those things we value the most, abandoning everything that competes for life’s highest virtue……love.
I invite you to invest a few minutes in listening to the following song while reading the lyrics below. Imagine the love you want to pursue and what you’re willing to give up to get it.
“If The House Burns Down Tonight”
Ashes from the flames
The truth is what remains
The truth is what you save
From the fire
And you fight for what you love
Don’t matter if it hurts
You find out what it’s worth
And you let the rest burnThe sunset burns like gasoline
Touch me and make sure that I’m not dreaming
I see her face and my heart skips beats
But I still get the feeling that we’re half asleep and
There’s a spark in the corner of my baby’s eye
Like a distant star that won’t burn quiet
And I might not know what I want from this life
But I know I want more than the starting line
So give me the fire
I can hear the motor running down the interstate
And all the distractions fade away
And if the house burns down tonight
I got everything I need with you by my side
I see the smoke piling up in the rear view mirror
Yeah but I ain’t ever seen it any clearer
If the house burns down tonight
I got everything I need when I got you by my side
And let the rest burn
And let the rest burn
And let the rest burn
I’ve given too much of my heart away
My soul’s holding on like a house divided
Like a match it burns down like a masquerade
And I had to let it go when the fire ignited
One heart, two hands, your life is all you hold
(your life is all you hold)
To hold, hold tight and let the bitter go
Yeah let it go, and give me the fire
The smoke tries choking the pacific sun
We rocket down the road like we’re shot out of guns
And if the house burns down tonight
I got everything I need with you by my side
Holding you and the wheel and it occurs to me
We’re driving down the edge of eternity
And if the house burns down tonight
I got everything I need when I got you by my side
And let the rest burn
And let the rest burn
Put your hand in mine and
Put your heart in driving
We got everything we need yeah
We got everything we need yeah
Left it all behind us
What we need will find us
We got everything we need yeah
We got everything we need yeah
Can you hear that motor running
Can you hear that motor running
There ain’t no stopping us now
There ain’t no slowing us down
Can you hear that motor running
Can you hear that motor run, run, run
And all those lies that mattered most to me
Were draining me dry making a ghost of me
And if the house burns down tonight
I got everything I need, everything I need
There’s a fire coming that we all will go through
You possess your possessions or they possess you
And if the house burns down tonight
I got everything I need when I got you by my side
This video touched me many years ago and it touched me today. When we are in life’s toughest storms, God cares and carries us. May this message remind us and reassure us today.
On June 18th, CAMFT (Central San Joaquin Valley Chapter) is hosting a seminar called “Protecting Children from Pornography:How to Equip Parents“. This seminar is presented by Forest Benedict, LMFT, SATP-C, who specializes in sexual addiction treatment and presents often to parents on this topic. The seminar is open to all mental health professions (licensed, interns) and students pursuing this field as well. Participants will earn 3 CEU’s.
The purpose of this seminar is to teach about the availability of pornography to children, the effects of pornography use on children, and what steps can be taken to protect children from pornography. Participants will also learn about resources for parents and young people who are faced with this issue. Information will be shared about both prevention and treatment.
Learning Objectives:
Learn about the prevalence of adolescent pornography exposure and use
2. Learn about the neurological, relational, biological, legal, and other effects of adolescent pornography use
3. Understand the need for preventative measures
4. Learn about available resources for both prevention and treatment
For cost, location, and registration information, CLICK HERE
