Forest Benedict, LMFT

Reframing Masturbation as a Path to Self-Connection, Self-Exploration, and Confidence

For many people raised in religious or conservative environments, masturbation was framed as something shameful, sinful, or even harmful. Perhaps you were taught that it was an act of selfishness, a sign of moral weakness, or something that would damage your body, relationships, or spiritual well-being.

But what if those messages weren’t the truth?

What if masturbation—when approached with self-compassion—could actually be a healing practice? What if, instead of being a source of shame, it could become an act of self-connection, self-trust, and even self-love?

This article explores the science behind masturbation, its mental and emotional benefits, and how you can begin healing from shame and reclaiming your relationship with your body.

Before going further, I want to name a shame-free educational resource I genuinely respect for people relearning pleasure at their own pace. Beducated (affiliate) offers expert-led courses on mindful masturbation and self-pleasure journeys—designed to help people reconnect with their bodies safely, privately, and without pressure.

The Roots of Masturbation Shame: Unlearning Harmful Messages

If you were taught that masturbation was wrong, you are not alone. Many religious and cultural traditions have long promoted abstinence-based sexual teachings, often warning of dire consequences for engaging in self-pleasure.

Common messages include:
❌ “Masturbation is a sin.”
❌ “It will make you addicted, perverted, or morally corrupt.”
❌ “It damages relationships or prevents true intimacy.”
❌ “It weakens your willpower or spiritual discipline.”

These messages were often presented without scientific evidence and instead relied on fear, control, and moral arguments. The reality is, research overwhelmingly supports masturbation as a normal, healthy part of human sexuality—one that carries significant mental, emotional, and physical benefits.

How Sexual Shame Affects the Nervous System

When we are repeatedly told that our natural desires are “wrong” or “dirty,” it doesn’t just affect our thoughts—it rewires our nervous system.

• Feelings of arousal may trigger shame, anxiety, or guilt, making it difficult to experience pleasure without distress.
• Some people develop sexual avoidance, disconnecting from their own desires entirely.
• Others may swing between self-restriction and binge behaviors, unable to find a balanced, healthy relationship with their sexuality.

Healing begins with recognizing that these responses were learned—but they can be unlearned.

Reclaiming Masturbation as Self-Love

Rather than seeing masturbation as something selfish, harmful, or shameful, we can reframe it as a way to reconnect with ourselves.

When done with intention and self-compassion, solo sex can become a powerful practice of:

✅ Self-Discovery – Learning what brings you pleasure without external expectations.
✅ Self-Compassion – Treating your body with care rather than criticism.
✅ Healing Shame – Challenging and releasing outdated beliefs.
✅ Self-Trust – Recognizing that your body’s desires are natural and valid.

The Mental & Emotional Benefits of Masturbation

Numerous studies have shown that masturbation is linked to:

• Reduced Stress & Anxiety – Orgasms release dopamine and oxytocin, which promote relaxation and improve mood (Brody & Krüger, 2006).
• Better Sleep – Post-orgasm, the body releases prolactin, which aids in deeper rest (Mah & Binik, 2001).
• Increased Self-Esteem – Learning to experience pleasure on your own terms fosters body acceptance and confidence (Prause & Graham, 2007).
• Healing Sexual Dysfunction – Practicing self-pleasure can help individuals overcome erectile dysfunction, anorgasmia, or arousal struggles, especially when linked to past shame (Lehmiller et al., 2020).

Healing Shame: A Step-by-Step Approach

If you still struggle with guilt or discomfort around masturbation, healing is a process. Here are some steps to begin shifting your mindset:

1️⃣ Challenge Old Beliefs

Ask yourself:

• Where did I learn that masturbation was wrong?
• Is that belief based on science, fear, or someone else’s control over my body?
• If I were free to decide for myself, what would I believe about self-pleasure?

Often, we hold onto outdated teachings without questioning their validity. Give yourself permission to think critically.

2️⃣ Approach Masturbation with Self-Compassion

Instead of rushing through the experience or feeling guilty afterward, try:

• Breathing deeply and noticing any shame that arises—without judgment.
• Practicing gentle touch, focusing on how your body feels rather than the end goal of orgasm.
• Using affirmations, such as “My pleasure is natural and good” or “I deserve to experience my body without shame.”

3️⃣ Slow Down & Make It a Mindful Practice

Rather than seeing masturbation as just a sexual release, consider it an act of self-care.

• Set an intention: “I am exploring my body with kindness.”
• Engage your senses: Use soft lighting, music, or aromatherapy to create a relaxing space.
• Be present: Focus on what feels good rather than racing toward orgasm.

4️⃣ Rewire Your Brain with Self-Acceptance

It takes time to replace old patterns with new ones. Healing shame is not about forcing yourself to be “okay” with something overnight—it’s about gradually softening the resistance and creating new, empowering beliefs.

Each time you allow yourself to experience pleasure without guilt, you are retraining your nervous system to accept pleasure as safe and good.

The Bigger Picture: Embracing Your Sexuality Without Fear

Healing from religious or cultural sexual shame doesn’t mean you have to believe anything you’re not comfortable with. But it does mean giving yourself the freedom to decide for yourself what feels right for you—without outdated fears controlling your choices.

Masturbation is not:
🚫 A betrayal of your past beliefs
🚫 A sign of moral failure
🚫 Something that needs to be justified

Masturbation is:
✅ A personal choice
✅ A practice of self-connection
✅ A way to develop a healthy, shame-free relationship with your own body

For those who want additional guidance while healing sexual shame, learning from qualified educators can be deeply supportive. One resource I trust is Beducated (affiliate), which offers expert-led courses such as:

• Guided Masturbation – a self-love audio journey for reconnecting with pleasure
• Mindful Masturbation Techniques for Everyone – focused on presence, pacing, and body awareness
• Masturbation Techniques to Awaken Your Pleasure – including vulva-focused learning for people who want practical understanding
• Mutual Masturbation – for those curious about shared pleasure without performance pressure

All courses are designed to be private, shame-free, and self-paced—centering consent and self-trust rather than goals or performance.

If you are on a journey of deconstructing harmful sexual beliefs, know that you are not alone. Healing takes time, and you deserve to experience your sexuality in a way that feels safe, authentic, and free.

Final Thoughts: Your Body, Your Choice

Your body belongs to you—not to past teachings, societal expectations, or external judgment. If masturbation feels like an act of self-love to you, then it is. And if you still struggle with shame, that’s okay too. Healing is a process (that sometimes requires therapy), and your pace is valid.

As you continue this journey, remember:
🌱 You are allowed to rewrite your sexual beliefs.
🌱 Your pleasure is not a sin—it’s a birthright.
🌱 You are worthy of experiencing intimacy with yourself, free from guilt.

Wherever you are in your healing, you are not alone.

In compassionate support,

Forest Benedict, LMFT

For more articles on self-connection, codependency, religious trauma, CPTSD, IFS, connection, healing, and beyond, I invite you to check out my blog and follow for future posts here.

Transparency note: This post contains an affiliate link. If you choose to explore Beducated through this link, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. I only share resources I genuinely respect and believe can be supportive for people exploring sexual learning.