We are great at running from our pain. Distracting. Numbing. Scrolling. Working. Doing. Intellectualizing. Researching. Analyzing. Avoiding. Critiquing. Judging. But none of those strategies give our pain what it needs from us.
Our pain needs someone to pay attention. Gentleness. Compassion. Listening. Care. Comfort. Connection. Presence. Attunement. Love.
May we all take the time to pay attention to our pain. It’s not easy. But it is what we need. And it is worth all the time and attention we give it.
I love the Self-Compassion Break created by Dr Kristin Neff (see the Tender Self-Compassion Break audio as well). Here it is:
The Self-Compassion Break
Think of a situation in your life that is difficult, that is causing you stress. Call the situation to mind, and see if you can actually feel the stress and emotional discomfort in your body.
Now, say to yourself:
1. This is a moment of suffering
That’s mindfulness. Other options include:
This hurts.
Ouch.
This is stress.
2. Suffering is a part of life
That’s common humanity. Other options include:
Other people feel this way.
I’m not alone.
We all struggle in our lives.
Now, put your hands over your heart, feel the warmth of your hands and the gentle touch of your hands on your chest. Or adopt the soothing touch you discovered felt right for you.
Say to yourself:
3. May I be kind to myself
You can also ask yourself, “What do I need to hear right now to express kindness to myself?” Is there a phrase that speaks to you in your particular situation, such as:
May I give myself the compassion that I need
May I learn to accept myself as I am
May I forgive myself
May I be strong.
May I be patient
This practice can be used any time of day or night, and will help you remember to evoke the three aspects of self-compassion when you need it most.
If you want support in learning how to respond to yourself compassionately in times of pain, I have therapy openings online in CA. I would love to teach you how to do this well.
In compassionate support,
Forest Benedict, LMFT, SATP
#selfcompassion#payattentiontopain#selfconnection#selfattunement#ifs#trauma#cptsd#religioustrauma
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