Forest Benedict, LMFT

Lust has been on people’s minds lately—at least, that’s what my blog stats tell me.

Two of my most popular recent posts, Lust is Liberating: The Science-Backed Benefits of Embracing Desire and Lust Without Limits: Embracing Passion with Awareness, had some of the highest open rates in my emails. Clearly, people are craving conversations about lust—not the shame-ridden narratives many of us were taught, but a deeper, more empowering understanding of it.

So, it only makes sense to go further.

Let’s talk about lust—the psychology, the science, and why understanding it can lead to deeper attraction, greater fulfillment, and a more liberated life.

What Is Lust, Really?

Lust is often misunderstood. Many of us were conditioned to see it as something to suppress, fear, or control. It was framed as a temptation, a distraction, or even a moral failing. But at its core, lust is simply a biological and psychological drive—one that has played a crucial role in human survival and connection.

From an evolutionary perspective, lust is what keeps the species going. It’s driven by testosterone in all genders and fueled by dopamine—the neurotransmitter of pleasure and motivation. It’s what makes us desire, chase, and experience pleasure.

But lust isn’t just about reproduction—it’s about aliveness.

The Neuroscience of Lust: How Desire Takes Over

Ever felt an overwhelming pull toward someone? A deep, almost obsessive attraction? That’s not just poetry—it’s brain chemistry.

When we feel lust, our brain activates the ventral tegmental area (VTA)—the same region involved in reward, pleasure, and addiction. Dopamine surges, creating a powerful sense of anticipation and craving.

At the same time, the prefrontal cortex (the rational, decision-making part of the brain) starts to quiet down—which is why lust can sometimes make us take risks or overlook red flags. (Science explains a lot, right?)

Lust vs. Love vs. Attachment: Understanding the Difference

Neuroscientist Dr. Helen Fisher identifies three distinct but interconnected systems in romantic and sexual relationships:

1. Lust (Sex Drive) → Driven by testosterone and dopamine, fueling sexual desire.
2. Romantic Love → Fueled by dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, creating obsession and deep longing.
3. Attachment → Controlled by oxytocin and vasopressin, fostering long-term bonding.

Lust is fast and fiery. Love is intoxicating and obsessive. Attachment is steady and secure. Understanding these differences helps us embrace lust without fearing that it means something is “wrong” with us.

Why Suppressing Lust Backfires

Many of us grew up learning that lust was dangerous, something to be “tamed” or “transcended.” Some were told that sexual thoughts made them impure. Others learned that wanting too much was “selfish.”

But research shows that suppressing sexual desire often intensifies it.

Psychologists call this the “white bear effect”—when we try to suppress a thought, it only comes back stronger. A 2010 study in the Journal of Sex Research found that people who tried to suppress sexual thoughts experienced an increase in intrusive sexual imagery and urges.

Lust isn’t the problem. Denying it is.

How Embracing Lust Leads to Fulfillment

When we stop fearing our lust, something powerful happens:

• We stop making shame-based choices.
• We allow ourselves to experience pleasure without guilt.
• We communicate our desires more openly in relationships.
• We feel more connected to ourselves—our bodies, our instincts, and our truth.

A study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior found that people with a positive attitude toward their sexual desires had higher levels of life satisfaction and emotional well-being. Lust isn’t just about sex—it’s about aliveness, vitality, and self-expression.

From Understanding Lust to Experiencing It

Understanding the psychology of lust is powerful—but for many people, insight alone isn’t enough. Lust lives in the body, the nervous system, and lived experience.

For those who want to explore desire in a grounded, shame-free, and educational way, one pleasure-positive resource I genuinely respect is Beducated (affiliate resource).

Beducated offers research-informed, sex-positive courses on topics like desire, arousal, pleasure, communication, and embodiment—taught by real educators and clinicians.

It’s not therapy, and it’s not prescriptive.
It’s a way to learn about lust through experience, at your own pace, without pressure or performance.

👉 Explore Beducated here 

Reclaiming Lust as a Source of Power

For those of us who spent years suppressing, controlling, or demonizing our lust, this is a reclamation.

Lust is not something to fear. It’s not something to hide.

It’s a force to be understood, honored, and integrated.

When we embrace our lust with awareness, we stop letting it control us—and start letting it liberate us.

This isn’t about chasing empty pleasure. It’s about stepping into a fuller, more embodied version of yourself.

Lust is life force. Lust is energy. Lust is yours to reclaim.

So—what will you do with it?

In empowering support,

Forest Benedict,
Therapist, Sexual & Desire Coach

Transparency note: This post contains an affiliate link. If you choose to explore Beducated through it, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. I only share resources I genuinely respect and believe support shame-free sexual learning.

For more articles on sexuality, desire, self-connection, shame, religious trauma, CPTSD, IFS, healing, embodied growth and beyond, I invite you to check out my blog and follow for future posts here.

*Created with the assistance of AI