Healing Sexual Shame
Sexuality is too often rooted in shame. Whether you identify as religious, are deconstructing your beliefs, or have deconverted, you may experience deep shame surrounding your body, desires, thoughts, and sexual behaviors.
In Christianity, “purity culture” teaches that all sex outside of a heterosexual marriage is sinful. It frames sexual thoughts or desires (lust) as sinful, even if they aren’t acted upon. Women are often shamed for dressing “immodestly” and blamed if men struggle with lust. Behaviors such as masturbation, porn use, and sexual expression are condemned. Sex education in these settings tends to be fear-based, focusing on avoidance and abstinence. Homophobia and transphobia are often deeply embedded in purity culture, leading to significant religious trauma for many.
Yet, humans are sexual beings with natural desires and needs. When someone cannot reconcile their sexuality with these teachings, they often become at war with themselves. The struggle to control or abstain from sexual behavior can lead to feelings of demoralization, depression, and the belief that they are sexually “addicted,” even when their behavior is healthy. Many religious individuals are left believing something is inherently wrong with them sexually. Often, the issue isn’t their sexual expression, but the immense shame they carry.
Leaving Religion Doesn’t Erase Sexual Shame
Even after leaving a religious tradition, sexual shame often persists. You may no longer believe in sin or in a God concerned with your sexual choices, but after years of battling yourself, you may still feel shame, guilt, or fear about your sexuality. You might feel inadequate or overwhelmed by how little you truly know about healthy sexual expression, leaving you terrified to explore your desires and guilty when you do.
The Path to Healing Sexual Shame
Thankfully, sexual shame can be healed. Unlearning deeply ingrained beliefs about sexuality requires time and compassionate self-exploration. Therapy may be necessary to release the shame and trauma stored in your nervous system. You may feel like a beginner as you take these uncomfortable yet liberating steps. But this work is worth it. You can become a sexually free, joyful being, transforming sexuality from a source of shame into a source of fulfillment.
If you’re ready to begin healing your sexual shame, I would be honored to guide you. I provide shame-free, non-judgmental, compassionate therapy to help you release deep-seated shame and discover who you are as a unique sexual being. I invite you to schedule a free 15-minute consultation to see if my services are a good fit for you.
Learning to express yourself sexually can be one of life’s most rewarding experiences. May you find the freedom and healing you deserve.
In compassionate support,
Forest Benedict, LMFT
