What My Partner Is Worth

_I have seen resilience after the devastation of disclosure. You both can learn to love_.

This piece is adapted from What My Wife Is Worth, available in Life After Lust (2017)

My partner is a person of infinite worth. Because of this, they deserve my best efforts.

They deserve a partner in active recovery, not passively going with the flow.

They deserve a partner who reminds them that they are not to blame for their past or present choices.

They deserve a partner who actively opposes addictive lust in all forms, viewing it as the enemy of true intimacy.

They deserve a partner who is trustworthy, both when they are looking and when they’re unaware.

They deserve a partner who seeks help when needed, remaining accountable to those who call out their greatness and strength.

They deserve a partner with the courage to face their deepest fears, inadequacies, and wounds for the sake of their healing.

They deserve a partner who learns from their mistakes, creating and communicating new plans for change.

They deserve a partner who is learning how to connect and does the hard work in spite of insecurities and inadequacies in this area.

They deserve a partner who tells the truth about their behavior and is honest when their heart wants to wander.

They deserve a partner who does whatever it takes to change whatever wounds them.

They deserve a partner who takes responsibility for their life, rather than being a victim of circumstances, feelings, or personal history.

They deserve a partner who progresses in personal growth, who is becoming the person they’ve said they want to be.

They deserve a partner who is committed to perseverance and course correction, who gets up quickly after failures.

They deserve a partner who cares for themselves so that they can offer more presence and participation in daily life.

They deserve a partner who models love, courage, and commitment to their children.

They deserve a partner who acknowledges their imperfections yet resists using them as justifications for a small life.

They deserve a partner who fights for their heart.

They deserve a partner who pursues their emotional and physical safety.

They deserve a partner who cherishes them, pursues them, and defends them.

They deserve a partner who humbly responds to their personal boundaries and listens to the pain their choices have caused.

They deserve a partner who practices patience when forgiveness and trust do not come quickly.

They deserve a partner who desires them, cutting off opportunities to seek all counterfeit connections.

They deserve a partner who nurtures them, encourages them to use their gifts, and empowers them to come alive.

They deserve a partner who supports their needs for relationships, relaxation, rest, and rejuvenation.

They deserve a partner who serves them, looking for ways to lighten their load.

They deserve a partner who is eager to invest both their time and attention.

They deserve a partner who sees them, knows them, and loves them.

They deserve a partner who reminds them every day that their value does not depend on their weight, their style, their sexiness or sexual availability, how they were treated as a child, or any other outside factor.

They deserve a partner who reminds them that they are worthy and they are enough.

Their worth is innate and cannot be tarnished.

They deserve all of these things because they are a person of infinite worth.

And so am I.

–By Forest Benedict, LMFT, SATP, Author of Life After Lust

14 thoughts on “What My Partner Is Worth

  1. Awesome! Yes. Yes!

    Like

  2. Reblogged this on mama crossroads and commented:
    As a former wife of an addict, this post hit me to the core. The author, Forest Benedict, is a powerhouse in the anti-porn movement, and I feel honored work alongside him.

    For all the other wives and partners of addicts out there … take courage. There is hope. Just ask Forest … and his wife.

    Like

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