This piece is adapted from What My Wife Is Worth, available in Life After Lust (2017)
My partner is a person of infinite worth. Because of this, they deserve my best efforts.
They deserve a partner in active recovery, not passively going with the flow.
They deserve a partner who reminds them that they are not to blame for their past or present choices.
They deserve a partner who actively opposes addictive lust in all forms, viewing it as the enemy of true intimacy.
They deserve a partner who is trustworthy, both when they are looking and when they’re unaware.
They deserve a partner who seeks help when needed, remaining accountable to those who call out their greatness and strength.
They deserve a partner with the courage to face their deepest fears, inadequacies, and wounds for the sake of their healing.
They deserve a partner who learns from their mistakes, creating and communicating new plans for change.
They deserve a partner who is learning how to connect and does the hard work in spite of insecurities and inadequacies in this area.
They deserve a partner who tells the truth about their behavior and is honest when their heart wants to wander.
They deserve a partner who does whatever it takes to change whatever wounds them.
They deserve a partner who takes responsibility for their life, rather than being a victim of circumstances, feelings, or personal history.
They deserve a partner who progresses in personal growth, who is becoming the person they’ve said they want to be.
They deserve a partner who is committed to perseverance and course correction, who gets up quickly after failures.
They deserve a partner who cares for themselves so that they can offer more presence and participation in daily life.
They deserve a partner who models love, courage, and commitment to their children.
They deserve a partner who acknowledges their imperfections yet resists using them as justifications for a small life.
They deserve a partner who fights for their heart.
They deserve a partner who pursues their emotional and physical safety.
They deserve a partner who cherishes them, pursues them, and defends them.
They deserve a partner who humbly responds to their personal boundaries and listens to the pain their choices have caused.
They deserve a partner who practices patience when forgiveness and trust do not come quickly.
They deserve a partner who desires them, cutting off opportunities to seek all counterfeit connections.
They deserve a partner who nurtures them, encourages them to use their gifts, and empowers them to come alive.
They deserve a partner who supports their needs for relationships, relaxation, rest, and rejuvenation.
They deserve a partner who serves them, looking for ways to lighten their load.
They deserve a partner who is eager to invest both their time and attention.
They deserve a partner who sees them, knows them, and loves them.
They deserve a partner who reminds them every day that their value does not depend on their weight, their style, their sexiness or sexual availability, how they were treated as a child, or any other outside factor.
They deserve a partner who reminds them that they are worthy and they are enough.
Their worth is innate and cannot be tarnished.
They deserve all of these things because they are a person of infinite worth.
And so am I.
–By Forest Benedict, LMFT, SATP, Author of Life After Lust
Awesome! Yes. Yes!
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Reblogged this on mama crossroads and commented:
As a former wife of an addict, this post hit me to the core. The author, Forest Benedict, is a powerhouse in the anti-porn movement, and I feel honored work alongside him.
For all the other wives and partners of addicts out there … take courage. There is hope. Just ask Forest … and his wife.
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