Are You Being a Victim to Your Sexual Addiction?

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Today XXXChurch published my newest article called “Don’t Be a Victim to Your Porn Addiction“. This article provides a challenging and brutally honest perspective about the attitude change necessary to beat sexual addiction. In it I shared my experience:

“The “secret sauce” of my success is taking personal responsibility for my recovery. I don’t always succeed but almost every time I remind myself that I am choosing most of my circumstances and all of my responses, I regain my power. Fighting against victim mentality is a daily battle. I believe this is some of the most significant work for anyone in active recovery.”

The article highlights common factors blamed for recovery failure and provides 8 questions individuals can ask themselves to regain a sense of power against their addiction. It is my hope that those who read this piece will take an honest look at their choices and re-evaluate what they are willing to do to experience successful recovery.

This article could be a milestone for those who feel stuck in their addiction. This is a life-changing message for those who choose to make it so.

“Will you take responsibility for your recovery?

When you do, the possibilities are endless.”

-By Forest Benedict, LMFT, SATP-C

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What She is Worth/What I Am Worth – New Downloadable Resources for Daily Inspiration

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Four days ago I published the powerful piece entitled “What My Wife is Worth“. It inspired many, steadily rising to over 800 views in this short time. Today, I was honored when a blogger who writes to betrayed partners reflected on how my post impacted her. She said:

“My work is to believe that I am truly worth everything on this remarkable list. I need to live and act in a way that others can see that I know my true value. I can do this by maintaining my personal boundaries, practicing self-care, and having faith in my ability to forgive. I need to know that I am enough and that my worth is “innate and can’t be tarnished.” I think I will read this list and replace the words “she deserves” with “I deserve” and change other words, as needed, to make this a message for me.”

She then shared two downloadable resources that she created based on my work.

To download the PDF for husbands to print and display, click here: What My Wife Is Worth
To download the PDF for wives to print and display, click here: What I Am Worth

I am thankful that Avalon Vic created these PDF documents for others to use. It is my hope that those who print and post them will find daily strength as they remind themselves of their innate and infinite worth.

–By Forest Benedict

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Renovating “Write Forest Write” – Same Blog, New Look

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I’m excited to announce the renovation of Write Forest Write!

Here’s an quick looks at the updates:

When you click on any article, the new side bar includes my bio, a “personal links” section, and a “follow” button.

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At the bottom of the blog you’ll find “Top Posts”, blog stats, search, my bio, and a link to my published articles.

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It is my hope that this new format is easy to use and facilitates your future reading enjoyment.

I am so grateful for all of my dedicated readers!

Wishing you all a life well-lived,

Forest Benedict, LMFT, SATP-C

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When You See Wounded, I See Mended

“Mended” by Matthew West

How many times can one heart break?
It was never supposed to be this way
Look in the mirror, but you find someone you never thought you’d be

Oh, but I can still recognize
The one I love in your tear stained eyes
I know you might not see him now, so lift your eyes to me

When you see broken beyond repair
I see healing beyond belief
When you see too far gone
I see one step away from home

When you see nothing but damaged goods
I see something good in the making
I’m not finished yet
When you see wounded, I see mended

You see your worst mistake
But I see the price I paid
There’s nothing you could ever do, to lose what grace has won

So hold on, it’s not the end
No, this is where love’s work begins
I’m making all things new
And I will make a miracle of you

When you see broken beyond repair
I see healing beyond belief
When you see too far gone
I see one step away from home

When you see nothing but damaged goods
I see something good in the making
I’m not finished yet
When you see wounded, I see mended

I see my child, my beloved
The new creation you’re becoming
You see the scars from when you fell
But I see the stories they will tell

You see worthless, I see priceless
You see pain, but I see a purpose
You see unworthy, undeserving
But I see you through eyes of mercy

When you see broken beyond repair
I see healing beyond belief
You’re not too far gone
You’re one step away from home

When you see nothing but damaged goods
I see something good in the making
I’m not finished yet, no
When you see wounded, I see mended

Ooh, I see mended
Woah, oh I see mended
I’m not finished yet
When you see wounded, I see mended

Life is Short, Live it Well

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Live it Well – Switchfoot

Take the burden from my arms
Take the anchors off my lungs
Take me broken
And make me one
Break the silence and make it a song

Life is short I want to live it well
One life, one story to tell
Life is short I want to live it well
And you’re the one I’m living for
Awaken, oh my soul!
Every breath that you take is a miracle
Life is short I want to live it well

I want to sing with all my heart a lifelong song
Even if some notes come out right and some come out wrong
’Cause I can’t take none of that through the door
I’m living for more than just a funeral
I want to burn brighter than the dawn

Life is short I want to live it well
One life, one story to tell
Life is short I want to live it well
And you’re the one I’m living for
Awaken, oh my soul!
Every breathe that you take is a miracle
Life is short I want to live it well

I got one life
And one love
I got one voice
But maybe that’s enough
’Cause with one heartbeat
And two hands to give
I got one shot
One life to live
One life to live

Every breath you take is a miracle

Life is short I want to live it well

-Switchfoot

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“What My Wife is Worth” by Forest Benedict, LMFT, SATP-C

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Awhile back Jennifer Lamprey, Organizer of the Women of Value Quickening Conference, asked me to write a piece that supports women. She emphasized the importance of men supporting women, especially when it comes to issues related to pornography. She shared, “I believe more and more women need and want to hear a man supporting what they’re doing.” In her perspective, when husbands use pornography, partners lose their femininity, become afraid of being emotional and vulnerable, see people as dangerous, and lose their connection to their worth. She said, “The Quickening is about women knowing their worth”.

Being a husband who has struggled sexually, I resonate with the importance of this message. I see that my battle with lust effects my wife deeply. My personal recovery journey is an opportunity to reflect back to my wife how worthy and worthwhile she is.

All women need to know that regardless of how others have treated them, nothing can diminish their worth. They will always be worthy of love, belonging, and respect. It is not unreasonable for them to require that those who love them treat them accordingly. May the following piece provide encouragement and empowerment as all women realize and rediscover their infinite worth.

What My Wife Is Worth

My wife is a woman of infinite worth. Because of this, she deserves my best efforts.

She deserves a husband who only has eyes for her.

She deserves a husband in active recovery, not passively going with the flow.

She deserves a husband who reminds her that she is not to blame for his past or present choices.

She deserves a husband who actively opposes visual and mental lust in all forms; viewing it as the enemy of true intimacy.

She deserves a husband who is trustworthy, both when she is looking and when she’s unaware.

She deserves a husband who seeks help when needed, remaining accountable to those who call out his greatness and strength.

She deserves a husband with the courage to face his deepest fears, inadequacies, and wounds for the sake of his healing.

She deserves a husband who learns from his mistakes, creating and communicating new plans for change.

She deserves a husband who is learning how to connect and does the hard work in spite of insecurities and inadequacies in this area.

She deserves a husband who tells the truth about his behavior and is honest when his heart wants to wander.

She deserves a husband who does whatever it takes to change whatever wounds her.

She deserves a husband who takes responsibility for his life, rather than being a victim of circumstances, feelings, or personal history.

She deserves a husband who progresses in personal growth; who is becoming the man he’s  told her he wants to be.

She deserves a husband who is committed to perseverance and course correction; who gets up quickly after failures.

She deserves a husband who cares for himself so that he can offer her more presence and participation in daily life.

She deserves a husband who models faith, purity, passion, and purpose to their children.

She deserves a husband who acknowledges his imperfections yet resists using them as justifications for a small life.

She deserves a husband who fights for her heart.

She deserves a husband who pursues her emotional and physical safety.

She deserves a husband who cherishes her, pursues her, and defends her.

She deserves a husband who humbly responds to her personal boundaries and listens to the pain his choices have caused.

She deserves a husband who remains patient when forgiveness and trust do not come quickly.

She deserves a husband who desires her, cutting off opportunities to seek all counterfeit connections.

She deserves a husband who nurtures her, encourages her to use her gifts, and empowers her to come alive.

She deserves a husband who supports her needs for relationships, relaxation, rest, and rejuvination.

She deserves a husband who serves her, looking for ways to lighten her load.

She deserves a husband who is eager to invest both his time and attention.

She deserves a husband who sees her, knows her, and loves her.

She deserves a husband who reminds his wife every day that her value does not depend on her weight, her style, her sexiness or sexual availability, how she was treated as a child, or any other outside factor.

She deserves a husband who reminds her that she is beautiful and she is enough.

Her worth is innate and cannot be tarnished.

She deserves all of these things because she is a woman of infinite worth.

And so are you.

–By Forest Benedict

To download the PDF for husbands to print and display, click here: What My Wife Is Worth
To download the PDF for wives to print and display, click here What I Am Worth

*Special thanks to blogger Avalon Vic for creating these pdf documents for use

The Women of Value Quickening Conference begins on June 30th! To sign up for this empowering event with a 20% DISCOUNT click here. For additional articles and recovery resources, check of the LifeSTAR blog and Partner Resources page. If this piece touched your heart, I encourage you share it with others.

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 my blog and find me on Facebook and Twitter for future posts and announcements about my upcoming BOOK.

Forest’s Published Articles – A New Resource Page

Forest's Published Articles

I have compiled a list of all of my published articles, which can now be found here. It is my prayer that those who read them would experience high hope and deep healing.

–By Forest Benedict

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 my blog and find me on Facebook and Twitter for future posts and announcements about my UPCOMING BOOK

“Protecting Children from Pornography: How to Equip Parents”- Fresno Seminar for Mental Health Professionals & Students (June 18th)

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On June 18th, CAMFT (Central San Joaquin Valley Chapter) is hosting a seminar called “Protecting Children from Pornography:How to Equip Parents“. This seminar is presented by Forest Benedict, LMFT, SATP-C, who specializes in sexual addiction treatment and presents often to parents on this topic. The seminar is open to all mental health professions (licensed, interns) and students pursuing this field as well. Participants will earn 3 CEU’s.

The purpose of this seminar is to teach about the availability of pornography to children, the effects of pornography use on children, and what steps can be taken to protect children from pornography. Participants will also learn about resources for parents and young people who are faced with this issue. Information will be shared about both prevention and treatment.

Learning Objectives:

  1. Learn about the prevalence of adolescent pornography exposure and use

2. Learn about the neurological, relational, biological, legal, and other effects of  adolescent pornography use

3. Understand the need for preventative measures

4. Learn about available resources for both prevention and treatment

For cost, location, and registration information, CLICK HERE

We hope to see you there!

-By Forest Benedict, MA, SATP-C, LMFT, Clinical Director of LifeSTAR of the Central Valley If you benefited from this article, please “follow” us on this blog and on Twitter, “like” us on Facebook, and SHARE this article and blog with others. Thank you!

How to Heal a Broken World

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“Many people get angry at God for things like war or poverty or starvation and they go ‘how could there be a God in the world if those things are happening’.  I think we have to flip that over. I think God would look at us and go ‘I gave you the power to solve all these things and I’ve placed in you a creative spirit. How could you let this happen while you have that power in your hands?’ If there’s anything broken in the world, God empowered all of us to heal it.” -Hank Fortener

–Compiled by Forest Benedict

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